When It's Time To Party We Will Make a Contextually Appropriate Playlist

Image copyright www.markstivers.com

Today's post is by guest contributor Tom. Enjoy!

Over the last few years, my party playlist has been the soundtrack to every party I've hosted and to every party where the host's asked if anybody has an iPod handy. It's about 4 hours of music that's been carefully honed so you can easily just dump it on the speakers on shuffle and ignore it. Inevitably somebody will eventually get drunk and switch it to their own music or search through for an Akon track you don't have, but the longer the playlist can last before that happens, the better I've done.

I'm not gonna pretend like I'm the king of music and that my word is final, but I want to share a few of the lessons I've learned while making this playlist.

RULE NUMBER ONE: BE / INOFFENSIVE / BE BE / INOFFENSIVE.

At most parties, around 80% of the people there don't give a shit about what's playing so long as they don't find it obnoxious to listen to. They won't touch the music until they hear something that pisses them off, so your number one job is to avoid pissing them off. Don't put on any heavy metal, because most people don't like heavy metal. If you put on rap music, it has to be rap music you can dance to. Skee Lo – I Wish is in, Kanye West – POWER is out. I had to cut off most of the outro to Cornelius – Count Five or Six because while it's a perfect party song the ending is so annoying and so long that everybody complains.

RULE NUMBER TWO: IT'S NOT YOUR PARTY PLAYLIST AND YOU CAN'T CRY IF YOU WANT TO

You have no idea how much I want to put Mindless Self Indulgence – Clarissa on the playlist, but I have to resist. The playlist isn't for me. It's for every party ever. It's for the art students and the gay dudes and the surf club and the nerds everybody in between. Nobody else likes Mindless Self Indulgence, so I have to leave it out.* You have to sacrifice some of your personal sacred cows if you want your playlist to be accessible to most people.

RULE NUMBER THREE: THERE AIN'T NO PARTY LIKE A SHIT CLUB PARTY**

Putting in songs that only have appeal for nostalgic/drunken singalong reasons is dangerous. People love to goof off and sing along to Mr Brightside or Don't Stop Believing or whatever, but only when they're drunk. If you overload your playlist with nostalgia-fueled songs that don't really hold up, people will lose interest. Same goes for ironic songs. Asher Roth – I Love College is fucking hilarious but it's only going to go over well in specific situations. Obviously you can put in Blur – Song 2 or Gary Numan – Cars, because those songs are still awesome. Just be smart about it.

RULE NUMBER FOUR: YOU! ME! DANCING!

Most of the playlist should be songs that not many people know but that anybody can idly dance along to. This is crucial for three reasons. 1: Songs that everybody knows are boring. The real reason for this playlist is to show off how cool and sexy you are with your taste in little-known bands. 2: Nobody really dances at parties, but the music may as well be white noise if it isn't making people involuntarily move to the beat. 3: If somebody has heard of the obscure song you've put into the playlist, they'll get excited and start a conversation with you about it. It's almost impossible to talk to people about music if you don't have a jump off point, and “OH SHIT! THIS BAND! OH SHIT!” is the perfect jump off point.

RULE NUMBER FIVE: EVERYTHING SUCKS (WHEN YOU PUT TOO MUCH OF IT INTO THE PARTY PLAYLIST)

Try not to have more than one song by any given band. Everybody can handle one Daft Punk song, but people that aren't fans will get annoyed if they have to listen to three or four. Same goes for extremely similar bands. Just because Queens of the Stone Age and Them Crooked Vultures are technically different bands doesn't mean that people won't hear Josh Homme's voice twice in a row and get mad at you.

RULE NUMBER SIX: YOU SAY PARTY! WE SAY (KEEP YOURSELF MENTALLY DETATCHED FROM THE STATUS OF THE MUSIC OR YOU'LL) DIE!

Of all the rules, this is the one I'm the worst at. When you put on the music, you have to let go. The music will always be in control of the person who's the most stubborn (unless I'm hosting the party because I can put the music on my laptop and turn off the internet), so if you don't want to spend the whole party stood by the speaker jack, scowling at people who get their phones out, you have to let it be. Somebody will put on their favourite song with complete disregard for how it fits into the party atmosphere and you have to smile and ignore it. Don't be that person. If you can help it.

RULE NUMBER SEVEN: HEY HEY HEY HEY / PARTY PLAYLIST EVERY DAY

You can never stop adjusting the party playlist. The party playlist is organic. The party playlist is constantly in flux. While writing this, I removed Yuck – Operation and added Yuck – Get Away (what was I thinking?!). The public opinion of an artist can shift suddenly and violently (See: Lana Del Ray), so if you want to be ready to start a musical party at any given moment, you have to be on top of that shit. Put any song that sounds like it might be good at a party into the playlist and then see how you feel about it in a few days. Once you've got a good few hours of solid stuff, you can start chopping and changing without too much sacrifice.

CONGRATULATIONS

If you did it right, you're now equipped with a valuable tool to get you through any party or party-like situation. All you need to do now is live every moment as if it's party playlist time. Godspeed.

*I snuck in Jaguar Love – Cherry Soda which is usually extremely unpopular. That's because if the one other person I know who loves that song is there we'll have so much fun that nobody dares touch that dial.

**Some of this one is related to the fact I've got my playlist set up to go on shuffle, you might be safer with nostalgic songs towards the end of your playlist if you've got something carefully crafted with an order and stuff.

Tom is a regular contributor to Oh No Video Games and can be found on Twitter.